Love Up!!! {Romance in Marriage}

Courtship and marriage are really flip sides of the same golden coin.

During courtship, we are both keenly conscious of appearance – how we look, how we ‘smell’, what we wear, and when / how we wear what we wear.

It is well known to most of us that as far as males are concerned, GOD made them the most visual people on earth. From women-gazing to football-crazing, men’s eyes ‘run to and fro’ over the earth and its inhabitants.

Somehow, by GOD’s extraordinary Grace, however, something differs distinctly between a man’s eyes ‘’looking on a maiden to lust” and the eyes ‘’lingering on the object of his heart’s desire’’. The look of love becomes a calm and measured, admiring gaze as love blossoms.

Now, the challenge after marriage is consistently and faithfully keeping two looks of love:

• You still looking lovingly on your Beloved;
• Your Beloved still looking lovely in your eyes.

Avoid the Familiarity that Breeds Contempt

If you’ll notice, in both of the above, there’s no mention of gender, and that’s because, really and truly, the two lines work for all of Biblical “man:” male and female created HE them!!!

How we look to each other – indeed, how we see each other, has much to do with how we behave towards each other.

When we live with the same person day in and day out, so intimately and vitally, it is critically important to work at keeping an aura, a glow about your dealings with each other, so that your Beloved is almost always recognized and treated as the most important person to you on earth!

Both husband and wife must ‘keep the shine on’, so that neither of you becomes ‘common’ to each other and taken for granted.

When respect breaks down, often a dangerous familiarity can emerge instead, and contempt may follow.

Well, there are a lot of ways in which this happens, but the one we shall discuss is the one that happens when either husband or wife let their bodies, their looks, and their manners go ‘the way of all flesh’, for proper all round maintenance is a sure preventive and tonic for sustaining marital bliss.

Before the marriage, the attention we spend on looking good, smelling fine, and behaving so considerately, kindly and politely is nothing short of awesome.

After we are married, the real challenges begin, and if we are careless, they become hard set and stubborn, like relations who move in and decide they must stay, with no end in sight.

Earliest Offenders

With all due respect and fondness, the first darts must be flung at my sisters, the womenfolk/wives, for if the truth be told, (and it must), women tend to be, first and foremost, the greatest or earliest offenders, in this regard.

It’s amazing (frightening) how often the beautiful babe, elegant lady, fine sissy–meticulous and impeccably well-finished from head to toe before the marriage–metamorphosizes (morphs, for short) into a towel-tugging, wrapper-tying, sloppy beauty, with hair flying wildly.

To make matters worse, some of us wives who acted so appropriate before wedlock, with so much finesse, now rush–unkempt and bra – less(with beautiful breasts of whatever size and direction)-–to answer the door for the mailmen, plumbers, cooks, or drivers; and even for our husbands’ friends! Oops!

These things ought not to be.

You newer wives, meanwhile, need not be in the least surprised or discouraged, when your husband’s tastes and tolerance for your wardrobe shift somewhat (or even dramatically).

He might reject the cleavage–exposing, butt – clinging dresses for outings, even though they are the same styles that may have attracted him to you, or caught his positive attention to begin with, preferring instead the more conservative subtly sexy selections.

Please be neither shocked nor annoyed.

The Beauty of Holiness
It is the inner adornment of pleasing manners, spiritual beauty, and chaste behaviour which will increasingly add value to your presentation of self before your husband, not your wearing clothing that ‘encourages’ other men to chase you!!!

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your husbands;

that if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear;

Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold or putting on of apparel;

But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of GOD of great price

[1 Peter 3:1-04]

Now, don’t get me wrong, please. Keeping yourself healthy, shapely and beautiful is vital.

But the maintenance of a good and Godly spirit is of paramount importance for the peace, joy and fun of your marriage—and most importantly for your salvation.
It’s about balance, the balance that tilts towards the beauty of holiness.

Now, while we are still dealing with the sometimes contentious matter of beauty, let us treat the issue of weight and women first.

Excuses, Excuses, Excuses

FatherGOD already knows it isn’t easy keeping a fine figure after Babies number 3, 4 and 5. But sometimes, the biggest challenge is actually after Baby number one.

In the final analysis, however, whether we have added a ton of fun after Baby number one, or five, or even if it has nothing to do with babies, whatsoever, being overweight and not reducing are all about……….excuses, excuses, excuses, (present company not exempted in the least).

‘’For better, for worse” in the typical wedding vows neither refers to your size, nor to your looks, ladies…and gentlemen.

And in any case, for children of GOD, driven by faith, the refrain should in fact be ‘‘for better, for best’’.

On to the Treadmill of Renewed Life

Wives, if you want to keep your husband’s eyes lingering on your fair persona, and dispel “congenital roving eye syndrome”, first, pray for the HOLY SPIRIT to indwell your husband, and anoint him with discipline and maturity.

Secondly, stay warm and fascinating, and keep fit! Working from     sizes 22 and 18, back down to sizes 14 through 10, or less, may look like the equivalent of a trek across the Russian Steppes, but the great adventure towards recovery and renewal starts with one step, followed by a consistent ‘nother one, just like the other one!’

And, husbands (especially) take note: the positive encouragement of others acknowledging small victories, counts for a whole lot in this Battle of the Bulge.

What’s Good for the Goose…

Now, there’s no need for you men to be teasing your wives –if these words are for her—or smirking about “the more you have to hug’’.

Have you taken a good look at that big stomach threatening your sex life?
In the midst of a health workshop for male pastors some years ago, huge guffaws and boisterous laughter erupted, as many of the men slapped themselves on the back, proudly referring to the protruding bellies they had comfortably amassed, as “chippies playgrounds”. (Chippies being shorthand of the time for girlfriends, fellow fornicators!)

The wise Christian woman physician leading the workshop waited for the raucous laughter to subside a little, and without betraying the slightest disgust or horror at the pastors’ vulgar display of sinful jesting, she continued: “Well, for the avoidance of doubt, let us establish today that the medical nickname for that pot-belly you so gleefully describe as your ‘chippies playground’ is actually the tombstone for a dying penis!”

The last hint of laughter dried up rapidly, needless to say, and one could have heard a pin drop in the hall!

It was no longer funny.

Men need to understand that excess weight on males – - particularly in the abdomen–is no longer tenable as a sign of good living!! (Nor is the more deadly weight of adultery / fornication either acceptable or humorous).

Excess weight on men, as well as on women, is no longer a laughing matter.
Today, our focus should be on genuine prosperity, which definitely includes good health, first and foremost.

The Word of GOD says:

Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper
and be in health, even as thy soul prospers.
[3 John 2:2]

Now, let us look exhaustively at the issue of pot or beer bellies. (We are grateful for this submission from Dr.Bill Gavin of St.Peter’s Hospital Province, Rhode Island, U.S.A.).

“According to a study published in the New England Journal of Medicine,in the United States, it was discovered that “ a large waist can nearly double the risk of dying prematurely …even if your weight is normal (according to your body mass index a measure of body fat based on height and weight )”. This study drew from a sample of 350,000 people.

Most of the body’s fat–known as subcutaneous (under the skin) fat–accumulates in the thighs, buttocks and hips. This fat distribution, which leads to a so-called “pear” body shape, applies to most women–and many men.

However, belly fat–generally associated with an “apple” body shape–presents the greatest risks.
Also known as visceral fat, it is stored mostly
Inside the abdominal cavity, where it wraps around
(and sometimes invades) the internal organs,
including the heart. Long known to damage blood vessel linings,
belly fat is a metabolically active tissue
that secrets harmful inflammatory substances
that can contribute to a variety of health problems.
People with an apple body type are far more
likely to die of heart attacks than those with a pear shape.

The worst of the worst: Hard belly fat (commonly known as
a “beer belly” ) is even more dangerous than soft belly
fat–perhaps because many people with hard belly fat
have high levels of C-reactive protein (CRP),
an inflammation maker and risk factor for heart diseases.
Alcohol has been shown to slow fat metabolism
by more than 30%, which is compounded
by the fact that beer drinkers tend to eat
high-calories snack foods while drinking,
and beer itself is high in carbohydrate calories.

An increasing body of evidence is now linking belly
fat to other serious health risks, such as…

• Cancer: Both men and women with higher percentages of belly fat are more likely to develop a variety of cancers, including malignancies of the colon, kidney and breast.
• Dementia: In a study of 6,583 adults, the bigger the belly, the greater the risk for dementia.
• Surprising Finding: Among those of normal weight who had excess belly fat, dementia risk was 1.89 times higher than for those of normal weight who did not have excess belly fat.
• Lung Problems: Lung function is reduced in patients with higher stores of belly fat, possibly because of the higher secretion of lung-damaging inflammatory chemicals.
• Diabetes: An apple-shaped fat distribution greatly increases the risk for insulin resistance (a condition in which the body’s cells don’t use insulin properly) and diabetes. The risks are even higher in those who are sedentary. People who have lost muscle mass, as a result, take in less blood sugar (glucose), which is used as fuel–further increasing diabetes risk.
• Migraines: Researchers at Drexel University College of Medicine found that women with large amounts of belly fat were up to 30% more likely than lean women to suffer from migraine headaches.

INCHES THAT REALLY COUNT

Research has shown that waist size–even
in people who aren’t obviously overweight –is
a key predictor to long-term health.

Important finding: In a study reported in circulation:
Heart failure, researchers found that a four-inch
increase in waist size raised the risk for heart
disease by about 15%, even in people of a normal weight.
Other studies report that each five-centimeter
increase in waist size ( a little less than two inches)
raises the risk for premature death by 13% in women
and 17% in men.

My recommendation: A waist size of 35 inches or
less in women and 40 inches or less in men.
Even slight increases above these numbers significantly
raise your health risks.

Best way to measure your waist: Place a tape
measure just below your navel, exhale gently,
then record the measurement.

Strategies for Waist Loss
There are no proven ways to selectively reduce accumulations of visceral fat, my advice…

• Strive for healthy overall weight loss: People who follow a sensible diet, such as the American Heart Association’s No-Fat Diet (www.americanheart.org) or the Weight Watchers plan (www.weightwatchers.com), lose weight proportionately–that is, they lose more weight from areas where they have the most body fat.

Someone with a high percentage of visceral fat will show the effects most in the abdomen.
Another advantage of such diets is that they include large amounts of natural, wholesome foods,
such as vegetables and whole grains. A plant-based diet supplies large quantities of anti-inflammatory, disease-fighting compounds.

Important: When you’re trying to lose weight,
avoid or eliminate most dietary sugars—not
only from sweet snacks but also from processed
carbohydrates, such as white bread, snacks,
beer and fruit juices. These foods have a high
glycemic index—that is, they cause a rapid spike
in blood sugar that may increase the accumulation
of visceral fat.

• Drink green tea: A study in the Journal of Nutrition found that obese adults who drank green tea lost about twice as much weight over 12 weeks as a control group even though people in both groups followed similar diets and exercise patterns. It’s thought that compounds known as catechins in green tea increase metabolism and accelerate the breakdown of fat.
• Focus on aerobic exercise: This is the best way to increase metabolism burn calories and reduce fat. Aerobic exercise is more effective than resistance workouts (such as lifting weights) because it burns more calories per hour.There’s some evidence that overweight women who engage in sustained aerobic workouts—such as 20 minutes or more of brisk walking daily—can lose up to one inch of belly fat in just four weeks.”

The Word of GOD explicitly warns us, that

My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge

[Hosea 4:6].

We shared this detailed knowledge with you that you and others might be blessed.

We pray that as you read this, you will share this knowledge, and use it to GOD’s glory for yourself, your Beloved, and others, in JESUS’ Name.

Please go
to Part 2 on ‘Musings on Maintenance in Marriage’