A Heart That Forgives – Kevin LeVar & One Sound
Have you ever laid awake at night beside your Beloved, tossing and turning, unable to sleep, remembering and remembering with excruciating clarity, what s/he said or did, and how s/he said or did what s/he said or did, that so hurt, humiliated or offended you?
You stretch yourself upon the proverbial rack, pressing your memory to etch every ego – piercing ugly detail, tearing the sinews of your tortured imagination, nursing innumerable wounds inflicted upon you by your spouse, best friend and lover.
I laid awake
I lost good sleep
And all because I could not keep
My heart, my thoughts, my godly mind
So rightly stayed on Thee.
Before your imagined crucifixion is complete, you search your mind for the most ancient hurts – the ones your spouse probably had absolutely nothing to do with whatsoever – just to make the ‘pity party’ complete, and appropriately replete with uninvited pests (accusations, recriminations, insults, trials & tribulations).
NOT AGAINST FLESH & BLOOD
My dear friend, what in the world are you doing, pray tell? Just consider for a moment, the WORD of GOD on this behavior
And when ye stand praying, forgive,
If ye have aught against any;
That your Father also Which is in heaven
May forgive you your trespasses.
But if ye do not forgive,
Neither will your Father which is in heaven
Forgive your trespasses.[Mark 11:25 -26]
By nursing unforgiveness, we block blessings to ourselves, and bring to GOD’s remembrance the sins we have committed that we want HIM to forgive us.
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood,
But against principalities and powers
Against spiritual wickedness in high places. [Ephesians 6:10-18]
Moreover, we are told and taught not to struggle with, or fight against people, — our loved ones, our family, our friends, our neighbors, our staff, our bosses, our colleagues, our competitors, et.al. — flesh and blood.
Instead, we are directed to fight against spiritual wickedness in high places, against principalities and powers.
This does not mean that we should not discuss the hurts or wounds we perceive others to have caused, but we should, most especially, fight against the spirit behind the wrong attitude, wrong understanding and wrong deeds that brought about the hurtful or harmful action to begin with.
Sometimes, it is a really tall order to put our relatively small, even petty hurts into proper perspective.
It definitely looks easier to fight your Beloved, or the person who has hurt us in some way, yet the only thing that will likely prevent it from happening again, and definitely the only thing that will please Father GOD, is for us to obey HIM, and not to fight against the person — our Beloved or whomever.
A LOVE SUPREME
We can never more fully appreciate the power of forgiveness and its integral, inseparable link to love, than in the self sacrifice of JESUS CHRIST, the Lamb of GOD, Who died out of a love supreme, for our sins.
Which of our slights or pains can measure up,
To crucifixion’s deadly cup,
As JESUS bore our guilt and shame,
Loved us and set us free?
Those of us adults raised in the Anglican or Episcopal, and Catholic Churches, can still sing in our sleep the following truth and plea implanted in our collective consciousness:
O Lamb of GOD That takest away the sins of the world
have mercy upon us (2x)
O Lamb of GOD That takest away the sins of the world
Grant us Thy peace.
Christ JESUS, out of a most extraordinary Love, bore our sins, forgiving us, and gave each of us a second chance. HE was wounded for our transgressions, HE was bruised for our iniquities, and the chastisement of our peace was upon Him. (Isaiah 53:5)
Without entirely genuine love, how can we truly forgive?
When our LORD and Savior was asked by the Disciples how many times we should forgive others for their offences or trespasses against us, the Disciples suggested up to seven (7) times, but to the utter amazement of all listening, JESUS answered – - in complete earnest – - that we should forgive others “ 70 x 7 times” , meaning literally ‘time without number’. For how many of us could actually count, even after 10?
Therefore, after ‘I love you’, ‘please’, and ‘thank you’, there are no two more important sentences uttered between two people than ‘I am sorry’ and ‘I forgive you’.
Indeed, forgiveness is the flip side of the coin bearing love on its face.
TEETH AND TONGUE MUST QUARREL
In the closest relationship – - and institution – - meant to be enjoyed by two humans, that is, marriage, how can teeth and tongue not quarrel?
Misunderstandings must arise. One or both, at any given time, will take offence or be offended, yet the love, the trust, the hope, and the maturity of the couple must give way as quickly as possible – to forgiveness – genuine forgiveness, not ‘I forgive, but I won’t forget-ism’.
AVOID BITTERNESS
The Bible speaks of a dog eating its vomit (II Peter 2:22), and cautions us against letting the sun go down on our wrath. Surely both statements must have first come to Mind within the context of marriage, for truer advice has hardly ever been spoken.
Husbands love your wives and do not be
bitter towards them. [Colossians 3:19]
MAKE UP BEFORE SLEEPING
When there is a quarrel, or controversy between husband and wife, endeavor to settle it before you go to bed.
Let not the sun go down on your wrath.
[Ephesians 4:26]
Don’t let your matrimonial bed become a war zone, and avoid sleeping in separate rooms – - most especially when there is, or has been conflict between you.
While it is personally difficult to imagine why a loving couple would want to share separate bedrooms in the first place, no matter what their parents before them practiced, suffice it to say that having the option of two different beds in two different rooms can make reconciliation between the couple who is estranged by anger or hurt, take much longer and be much harder than it would be, if they had only one room and one bed in which to negotiate their sleeping space!
BE THE FIRST TO TOUCH
Reaching out and lovingly touching your husband-lover or wife-lover, even when he/she does not initially respond, is – - after ‘the fear of GOD’ – - the second ‘beginning of wisdom’.
KEEP DEAD THINGS BURIED
Another aspect of this wisdom is learning not to dredge up dead baggage and old waste. As they say, please, let bygones be bygones.
SET MARKERS FOR CLOSURE
Thrash out your urgent, painful, trenchant issues within as limited a period of time as possible, and set real markers for closure which you agree upon together beforehand. In this way, you shall have agreed together not to walk that path, verbally, or otherwise again.
Carrying old hurts and disappointments around for centuries, like dead baggage and toxic waste, is a fast track to poisoning love, enthroning guilt or vengefulness, and promoting a living hell, where the most peaceful, loving, joyful environment is meant to obtain – - in your marriage.
Don’t shovel them underground, either, lest they emerge as a recurrent decimal, at the wrongest time – - which is any time!!! Instead, decide to discuss the matter at a particular time, or for a particular period, and no longer; then truly let it go.
IN FACT, LET GO AND LET GOD…
Keeping a humble spirit, respect, and the commitment to your love foremost, talk out your concerns, your fears, your anger, your disappointment, and your hurt, and resolve together that whatever happened that caused such upset should be studiously and prayerfully refused to happen ever again.
Seek a Godly solution to your problem or challenge, together.
Resist the devil and he will flee from you.[James 4:7]
DENY THE ENEMY A VISA
Apostle (Dr.) H. I. Alile, OFR, one of our spiritual fathers, once organized and performed a profoundly simple drama for the Church, comparing our minds, hearts, and spirits to our own personal embassies.
Once you refuse to give a visa to the enemies of love and progress prowling outside the embassy of your mind, heart, and spirit, there will be no entry to forbidden thoughts and feelings like vengefulness, ‘tit for tat’, bitterness, rage, guilt, and unforgiveness.
Forgiveness is so fundamental to the Child of GOD. We shall say it again: Loving is Love.
The active working of forgiveness in us is inextricably linked to the power and efficacy of our faith, and to GOD’s answering of prayer.
Remember the teaching of Our LORD JESUS CHRIST:
22. Have faith in GOD,
23. For assuredly, I say to you, whoever says to
this mountain “Be removed and be thou cast
into the sea” and doesn’t doubt in his heart,
but believes that those things he says will be done,
he will have whatever he says;
24. Therefore I say to you, whatsoever you ask,
when you pray, believe that you receive them,
and you will have them;
25. And whenever you stand praying,
if you have anything against anyone,
forgive him, that your Father in heaven
may also forgive you your trespasses;
26. But if you do not forgive,
neither will your Father in heaven forgive you
your trespasses[Mark 11:22 – 26].(Italics are mine)
All spoken directly by CHRIST JESUS HIMSELF, verses 22 – 24 are directly followed by verses 25 – 26, because they flow, one from the other. This is no casual juxtaposition of unrelated phenomena.
Kindly note the importance of your verbal confession, as the word ‘say’ or ‘says’ is repeated 5x, ‘forgive’: 4x, ‘believe’: twice.
Confession does indeen bring possession, so ensure Godly confessions from your lips at all times as GOD is faithful to perform what HE hears you ‘say’.
ANSWERED PRAYER DEPENDS UPON FORGIVENESS
Thus, in one of the most powerful passages of the Bible, in which the living WORD of GOD – - CHRIST JESUS – - graphically illuminates faith, and teaches us how to eliminate obstacles and hindrances (by saying …speaking commands to the mountains in our lives), the efficacy of this most potent confession is directly dependent upon our forgiveness of others in our lives.
Unforgiveness is a form of spiritual bondage, a stronghold which must be actively resisted, but is most effectively and poignantly melted away by that most gracious and powerful gift of GOD, — LOVE.
“JUST CAN’T FORGIVE…….?”
Have you ever felt that you have suffered so unfairly or so wrongly in the hands of your husband-lover/wife-lover that you “just can’t possibly ever forgive him/her?”
Remember how JESUS CHRIST suffered, and for whom, and what HE forgave. As the words of “Come Ye Disconsolate”, one of our favorite hymns, simply states,
Earth hath no sorrow that heaven cannot heal.
Nothing is impossible with GOD.
As HE can turn any sinner around and save him/her (did HE not save me and you?), JESUS can turn around any marriage on earth.
Speak good things/upliftment to your marriage.
Call on the LORD JESUS.
Ask the HOLY SPIRIT to guide and comfort both of you.
PUT ON GODLY SPIRIT AS CLOTHING
The Apostle Paul has cautioned:
Therefore, as the elect of GOD, holy and beloved,
put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness,
longsuffering, bearing with one another,
and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint
against another; even as CHRIST forgave you,
so you also must do. [Colossians 3:12 – 13] (Emphasis mine)
MEDITATE ON THESE THINGS
And finally, remember – - when ugly images, harsh memories, or unkind words or deeds keep recurring to you, as if a little demon is sitting on your left shoulder, continuously accusing you or your lover-spouse – - rebuke the devil and kindly do as follows:
Whatever things are true, whatever things are noble,
whatever things are just, whatever things are pure,
whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report,
if there is any virtue, and if there is anything praiseworthy,
meditate on these things.[Philipians. 4:8]
Selah!
Praise Our Living LORD!
(For single women still looking for their own husbands, your "Boaz" is waiting!) Book written by Dr. David N. Wright...a Must Read!!! 
Your marriage is profoundly unique. There are many things we do – - both for, and to each other, as husband and wife, that we do only for and to each other, and for nobody else.
Father GOD, in the mighty, precious & matchless Name of JESUS, we pray this day, this week, this month that YOU LORD will grant to our marriage the oil of joy, the unction of tenderness, rivers of passion, the anointing of ease, the well-spring of creativity, and the grace for faithfulness and commitment.