I have posted it for someone who desperately needs to read it today, before electing to enter a wrong relationship. I have also posted it for another who has started what needs to be stopped. Today.

Having said it before, I shall say it again: the covenant love of husband and wife is the greatest relationship two people can share, other than the love between each of us and GOD!

HE alone will fill every void in your life – we were created to worship HIM!

No Small Affair

Lysa TerKeurst

Devotion:

A few years ago, I sat with a beautiful young woman and watched the tears stream down her face. Six months before our meeting, her world was filled with so much — a loving husband, a healthy toddler, and fun friends.

Life was full.

But some part of her heart still felt restless, unsettled, and a little empty.

She started to feel detached from her husband and disappointed in their relationship. Why couldn’t he make her feel loved? Wasn’t he supposed to right her wrongs, fill up her insecurities, and give her a lasting feeling of love?

Then one day she met a man who said things she’d longed to hear her husband say. He made her feel pretty and witty. Soon, she rationalized that she’d never really loved her husband in the first place. A web of lies was spun. She fell into the arms of the other man.

She had not wanted to come to the women’s retreat. She knew it might make her feel guilty and she was past having any guilty feelings. She was just waiting for the right time to leave her husband and start over with the new love of her life. But her friends had started to grow suspicious of her pulling back from so many church activities. So, to appease them, she went.

Over the course of the weekend, the walls she’d so carefully constructed to keep everyone at a distance and her secret safe, started to crumble. By Saturday night, she sat down with me and confessed her affair. She desperately wanted to know how I felt so full of GOD’s love. She was now convinced it wasn’t the love of another man her heart craved; it was the love of GOD.

Chasing love outside the will of GOD invites the exact opposite of love into our lives. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 is a picture of GOD’s perfect love. It is patient. It is kind. It does not envy… it is not self-seeking… it does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth… it always protects… it always perseveres. Love never fails. The things we chase in this world are opposite from GOD’s love. False attempts at love will make us impatient, unkind, envious, self-seeking, resistant to the truth, reckless and temporary.

1 Corinthians 13 is not a description of what is inherently ours when we fall in love with another person. It is a description of GOD’s love. This kind of love can be ours as we become more Christ-like. It is never focused inwardly. It is never about what I’m going to get from another person. It is deciding that this is the kind of love I will give away.

I am challenged by this. Because our souls were designed for GOD’s fulfilling love, if we aren’t staying closely connected to HIM everyday, our hearts will start to feel empty. Restless. Unfulfilled.

Let us never get to the place where we think we are strong enough to not be tempted in this way. If we are all completely honest, we are only a few bad decisions away from the same kind of mess my sweet friend is now trying to untangle herself from.

While I have complete hope in GOD’s ability to restore her, the consequences of her chase for love will be severe on many levels.

The kind of love our souls crave will never be found in the things of this world. Lasting and perfectly satisfying love will only be found when we stop chasing the wrong kind of love and start living out the truths of GOD.

Dear LORD, help me rest in the security of Your love. Make me wise in how I guard my heart. May I never get lured into any kind of worldly, fake love. But if I ever start to get drawn away, GOD surround me with people who are bold enough to speak truth into my life. In JESUS’ Name, Amen.

Thank you, Lysa.

Now, short  as the story is, we get the point. Most wrong actions stem from wrong ‘thinking’: some from un-renewed minds, most from stony hearts.

Most people characterize lust, as they do jealousy, greed, and wrath – - as merely emotions, as if emotions are only fleeting thoughts or mood.

But there is often a spirit behind these forces, and we find that when such ‘emotions’ dominate and consume people, they generate disordered hearts that often manifest, over time, if left unchecked – - without renewal, repentance, deliverance, and sanctification – - in heart diseases, spiritual, and then, physical.

Think about some of those we know, who suffer the symptoms of heart disease, not all, no – but some. Remember their personal histories and herstories.

Look at your own heart.

Are you secretly nursing bitterness, malice, resentment, jealousy or lust towards anyone?

Let us pray:

FatherGOD, in the precious and mighty Name of our LORD JESUS CHRIST, have Your way in my life. Divinely separate me LORD, from every thought, practice, habit, desire and relationship that does not give YOU Glory, in JESUS Name!

Cleanse, renew, and sanctify me, indwelling me with YOUR HOLY SPIRIT that I may be used to YOUR Glory, in JESUS’ matchless and mighty Name. Amen.

SELAH*!

*SELAH – Hebrew for pause and  meditate on this?

The story of David and Jonathan is the story of deep affection between two men – - neither homosexual, nor effeminate in any way – - yet it is worthy of discussing within the context of marriage, because marriage is always about covenant, and marriage is usually between two best friends.

David’s and Jonathan’s affection was both a godly affection and a covenant affection, the integrity and intensity of which outlasted Jonathan’s sad and needless death beside his father, King Saul. And the affection between David and Jonathan bore fruit years later in the restoration of Jonathan’s son, Mephibosheth, languishing – - till David located him – - in that desolate wasteland called Lo Debar.

When you and your Beloved (wife or husband) met and decided to marry, didn’t your soul knit with that of your Beloved?

And, when you finally married, wasn’t it that same sweet and deep affection that led you to make covenant vows to each other, “till death (or Rapture) do you part?”

Jonathan died in battle beside his father, Saul, but the covenant between David and Jonathan did not die with him.

In the fullness of time, David – now King – remembered his covenant with Jonathan, and he sought out Jonathan’s seed – his only surviving son – until they found him in destitution and loneliness in Lo Debar.

Then David, faithful to the covenant, took Mephibosheth to dwell with him in the palace, and eat with King David daily at his banquet table.

It is a wonderful story, graphically painting the workings of affection.

Covenant affection is meant to be a lasting affection that bears fruit even in our posterity.

Then, what manner of evil or madness would make us forget the affection we have nurtured for each other over the years, or make dull and blurred the sharp outline of the love that has brought so much joy before?

If affection now seems to be missing in your marriage, or you feel the need for much more, rekindle your affection for your Beloved, consciously remembering (if you’ve forgotten) what encouraged you to cherish your Beloved to begin with.

And re-ignite your Beloved’s affection for you, that your joy may be complete in each other, and last, still bearing fruit, both in your own covenant seed, and in your good works, together, from generation to generation, to generation.

The affection between husband and wife is predestined and ordained to be the deepest affection between two people.

Always honor that affection between you and your Beloved.

Restore it, renew it, enjoy it.

GOD is love.

GOD is good.

GOD is beauty. Praise HIM!

I explained that while LOVE UP was written to bless all marriages, I had written on this extremely important subject for ‘Christians,’ first and foremost, for these reasons:

1. Christians subscribe to, or at least try to practice and honor certain unique and vital values and principles, without much argument, these being the importance of:

• Praising & Worshipping GOD:

Apart from being necessary sacrifices to Father GOD, Praise and Worship are understood to be vitally strategic weapons of spiritual warfare in life, and in marriage, in particular.

• Faithfulness & Fidelity:

Like FATHERGOD, LORD JESUS, HOLY SPIRIT, we believe that husband and wife must be dedicated and faithful to each other, therefore, we also hate, resist, and decry as wrong, sex outside marriage (that is, adultery and fornication). Being faithful to one’s wife or husband is not based on mood or feeling. It is an unswerving covenant commitment. it is a matter of obedience to FatherGOD.

• Unspeakable Joy:

Beyond happiness (momentary gladness), joy is a deep and abiding rest of mind and sweetness which persist even in times (moments and periods) of great temptations, trials and tribulations. The extraordinary gift of joy unspeakable comes from knowing and trusting GOD, implicitly and explicitly, even and especially, in what appear to be life’s darkest moments.

• Submission & Respect:

Whether we fully practice it or not, Christian women know that we are required to be submissive to our husbands, while Christian men are required to  nourish and cherish their wives. And the main way that men submit to their wives is by bringing their bodies into subjection to the LORDGOD, that is, by being faithful to their wives, sexually and emotionally (since men somehow seem to be able to separate these far more than women). LOL!!!

• Unwavering, Mountain – Moving Faith:

Faith has been defined as

Sometimes like walking on water, growing a beautiful, joyful and lasting marriage requires that ‘we walk by faith and not by sight’ [2 Corinthians 5:7], believing GOD for everything good and right in our marriage, and having the courage and obedience to do what is good and right in GOD’s sight.

2.      Christian marriages are experiencing more divorce than non-Christian marriage from the United States of America (where statistics are more readily available), to Nigeria, and elsewhere. Organized Church communities have decried the alarming incidence of divorce, and particularly, the greater incidence of divorce among Christians than among non-Christians.

3.     Marriage in CHRIST is under attack because the devil knows that a good and Godly marriage is the bedrock foundation of both good      and Godly family, and good and Godly community.

4.     It seems that many Christians have very wrong notions about GOD’s Will for their married love life.

GOD created romance (that is, deep affection, sensuality, sexual tenderness and passion) uniquely for the bonding of marriage and the nurturing of marital bliss.

Because too many of us grew up imbibing wrong ideas and witnessing wrong practices in marriage, so many have internalized the hideous notions that sex is bad, that sex is only for making babies (reproduction), or that sexual passion is really meant for sex outside marriage. Yet, nothing could be further from the truth.

You might laugh in disbelief as you read this, yet think about it well: how many married couples (Christians or otherwise) did you observe, while growing up, who openly expressed their affection to each other, touched or embraced each other, demonstrated their physical attraction to each other, and laughed and played with each other, in your presence?

Did your own parents easily do these things in front of you?

Conclusion

Making love is for husband and wife. It is divinely separated from making lust, sex between all others.

Readjust your understanding of and attitude towards making love.

Making love between husband and wife is a gift from GOD for bonding and marital bliss.

In it and through it, we glorify GOD.

At home, however, we sometimes find that too many Christians have been projecting that well-cultivated public persona or ‘public face’ that fades into various shades of deceit, ranging from the  bland and mediocre, to the ugly absurd, once safely out of others’ attention and sight.

Perhaps that’s not you, GOD forbid!, who returned to the car after worship service or a social function, snarling and snapping at your Beloved for real or imagined offenses, or worse yet, fouling the air with an annoyed, pouting face, a strictly enforced silence on your part, and a swollen ego that almost makes your head too large to enter the vehicle! (LoL!!!)

At home – - whether etched in cold and edgy silence, or in the noise of slamming doors or sharp words flying – - the keeping of malice is both blatantly sinful, and dangerous to the peace and joy of your marriage and your home.

Occasional, infrequent misunderstandings may happen, as teeth and tongue must quarrel, de vez en cuando, from time to time.

Yet there’s a subtle way in which the harshness mentioned earlier, and the escalating frequency of spats and arguments can sneak up on you, and become negatively transformed into a steady state of dis-ease, dis-comfort, and dis-order.

Such things should not occur, nor even be mentioned with frequency among the Children of GOD! And yet, divorce rates are reportedly higher among Christians (in the United States of America, as well as in other nations), than among heathen, and among other religions.

The reasons are many, and yet are not really complex, though we shall not treat these in detail within this context: suffice it to say that, first and foremost, our marriages are under satanic attack because these marriages constitute the foundation of Godly, decent community, and the bedrock of progressive civil society.

All of us should sensitize ourselves to the awareness that what we do, and how we behave towards our closest neighbors – - our Beloved wives and husbands – - impact profoundly, and in ever-increasing concentric circles outward, upon the world in which we live and work and play and pray together (although not in that order, we hope).

Politeness and Respect Belong First to Your Beloved

Please do not consider yourself polite and respectful, if you are so considerate to others – - friends, other family members, colleagues, fellow Church members, club members, party ‘faithfuls’, and outright ‘strangers’ – - yet you are not the most polite and respectful of your husband or your wife! Charity does indeed begin at home.

Anything short of this is sheer and utter hypocrisy.

Be not deceived.

GOD is not mocked,

We shall sow whatsoever we reap.

[Gal. 6:7]

The worst case scenarios start from a repetition of small infractions, barely noticeable at first.

So be ever conscious, and ever thoughtful and considerate of your Beloved.

• Upon waking, don’t just talk at your wife or husband, as if the two of you’ve been having a running discussion in your sleep.

• GREET first – - lovingly, tenderly, respectfully. My own first greeting before or after kissing My Beloved good morning, is ‘Glory be to GOD!’, followed by something like ‘Good Morning, My Beloved’, or ‘Hey, Baby, did you sleep well?’ Sometimes, it’s followed by a positive, in-house approval rating for the sweet ‘nuptials’ of the night before, or that early morning.

• Always greet your Beloved well and appropriately, acknowledging her or his presence as she/he enters your space, or the room (small or large).

Obviously, if one of you is in a meeting, or in the company of others before whom you may not fully or partially demonstrate your loving relationship, a respectful greeting delivered with a smile and a nod of your head may suffice, till later.

Male Sons of GOD: Husbands–

The age of Chivalry is NOT Dead:

Emerging from your car at the venue of a social event, appointment, or gathering,  open the car door for your wife;

If someone else has opened the car door for your wife already , join your wife, take her arm, and enter as a couple;

Always open the doors to any venue for your wife, letting her enter first, unless you are not sure of what is behind the door, cautious to pre-empt any danger. Then, step in first, take a look around, and wait for your wife to enter, holding the door open for her.

Carefully note the environment in which you and your wife are moving. Kindly take her hand and lead her protectively down rough steps, over trenches or open, bumpy, or otherwise awkward spaces/places, especially when your Beloved wife is wearing moderate-to-high heels.

Don’t walk ahead of your wife, leaving her a distance behind you. It does not   tell well of you as a husband, and may be suggestive of reduced esteem or disregard, to others observing, and most importantly, to your wife.

Introduce your wife to others at an event by name, not only, “this is my wife;”

Receiving an award, citation, or making a donation?

Acknowledge your wife, for example, “On behalf of my wife (or My Beloved wife) and myself, I shall make a contribution of ……”

Your wife is not like any other woman. Treat her as your queen. If you treat your wife as your queen, others will acknowledge you as her king.

And the love, esteem, respect and affection you receive from your wife will definitely encourage you to maintain such kingly attentions!

The reverse also obtains: Disrespect her and you lose prestige. And if you allow others – - whether family, friends or colleagues – - to talk less than respectfully to your wife, you are inviting disaster for your family

Female Sons of GOD: Wives-

Acknowledge your Beloved in a distinctly different way from all others: your husband is not common or ordinary, irrespective of his position in the company, or his income level, at any given time, and – - whether you (as wife) earn more, or not.

Reverence your husband.

At events, remain at your Husband’s side until you are seated, and sit together.

Even if you see your best friend, or a key business associate, relax beside your husband, greeting others nicely from a distance, until an appropriate point in the program has arrived in which you may briefly and respectfully take your leave, especially if your husband is also talking with others.

Always show your Beloved the utmost respect, especially in the presence of the others. Don’t make nasty faces or ugly noises behind your husband’s back. That is both hypocritical and offensive eye service, and will offend GOD.

Establish your husband’s primacy.

At a high profile event recently, hosts and guests alike, marveled at the behaviour of one of the lady guests in attendance, seated at one of the many well laid-out tables, replete with choice wines and juices, and a continuous banquet spread of dishes and delicacies.

She was keenly watched, in particular, by one of the Host’s ‘old boy’ tables where close and respected male associates and friends occupied prime seats.

With frequency, waiters came and asked the well-dressed lady

what she would care to eat or drink, and she would politely decline their offers for close to 3 hours, as she claimed 2 adjoining chairs, one  at the head of the table at which she sat, and one immediately opposite her, for  two anticipated guests.

There she sat, occasionally nodding respectfully or warmly at various other guests, who would catch her attention from time to time, by their own greetings.

Meanwhile, the lady continued to sit quietly, entertaining herself for the 3 hour period, by composing something or other on her Blackberry handset.

At last, she arose from her seat with palpable excitement, as two men—an elder and a young man—directly approached her.

As they drew near, she quickly bowed her knees deferentially for the elder man, and then fairly leapt upon him, throwing both arms affectionately about his neck!

Then, all three of them sat down, together – -  the elder at the head of her table, and the young man opposite her, as she beckoned on a nearby waiter to begin to serve the food and drinks she had reserved for themselves, as she had awaited her husband’s and son’s arrival.

Neither her patient, disciplined refusal to partake of the Party offerings, nor the respectful, yet loving way she greeted her husband, was lost on any of the casual or known observers at the event.

Her dignified reserve and warm affection accorded great prestige to her husband, and made her own wait for and reception of husband and son an event within the Event.

Just as genuine chivalry in men, and husbands, in particular, is greatly to be cherished by good women, and wives, so too, gracious reserved comportment and reverence for husbands by wives, is highly prized, and readily sets such wives apart, as virtuous women and wives of excellence.

Now, we have treated external, outward comportment – - that which others see, mark, and remark upon as polite, as courteous, as elegant and as chivalrous.

Behind Closed Doors

What about in inner spaces, behind closed doors, in the four walls of our homes or bedrooms?

The Word of GOD says:

Evil communication corrupts good company

[1Cor. 15:33]

Now, while we shall certainly address this particular scripture in a very different post within another context, in the near future, by GOD’s Grace, for now, we must appreciate and understand the wisdom of this Word within the context of husband and wife in daily communication with each other.

Disagree Agreeably

You can’t always agree with your Beloved (or anybody else for that matter), and thank GOD for that!

For, wouldn’t life be so dull?

But the way in which we choose to agree or disagree means everything – - from husbands and wives, to two sovereign nations.

In the 1960’s/1970’s, the renowned social scientist, Marshall Mac Luhan, shook up the popular thought of the era with a book whose title in itself was informative, iconic and revelational: The Medium Is The Message.

Communication is not just words, especially spoken or verbal communication.

Communication encompasses how we say what we say: the tones, the inflections (or emphasis), the pauses …. In short, all the nuances.

Sarcasm, rudeness, insincerity, spite, unforgiveness and insensitivity are the far more subtle means by which we hurt each other, and are, as the Bible so aptly calls them:

the little foxes that spoil the vine.

[Song of Sol. 2:15]

Indeed! Mutual respect is key to maintaining a good, loving relationship.

Let us steadfastly, resolutely, and consistently dump the behavioral toxic wastes that poison our marital friendship,

Lay aside every weight and the sin which does so easily beset us.

[Heb.12:1]

And, earnestly seek to build both within us and between us “the fruits of The Spirit,” namely love, joy, peace, patience, among others.

Love, my dear Brethren – Brothers and Sisters – not only “covers a multitude of faults,” as it matures and deepens. Love seeks only the good, the prosperity, the health, the strengthening and the enrichment of its object and subject: our Beloved Husband/our Beloved wife.

Love is not at the core of maintenance in marriage.

Love is the core of maintenance in marriage.

Selah. (Pause and meditate on this!)

Warmest regards, and GOD’s blessings for an extraordinary New Year, in which we shall all walk in our wealthy places – - spiritually, physically, financially and relationally, especially in our marriages, In JESUS’ Name! Amen.

During courtship, we are both keenly conscious of appearance – how we look, how we ‘smell’, what we wear, and when / how we wear what we wear.

It is well known to most of us that as far as males are concerned, GOD made them the most visual people on earth. From women-gazing to football-crazing, men’s eyes ‘run to and fro’ over the earth and its inhabitants.

Somehow, by GOD’s extraordinary Grace, however, something differs distinctly between a man’s eyes ‘’looking on a maiden to lust” and the eyes ‘’lingering on the object of his heart’s desire’’. The look of love becomes a calm and measured, admiring gaze as love blossoms.

Now, the challenge after marriage is consistently and faithfully keeping two looks of love:

• You still looking lovingly on your Beloved;
• Your Beloved still looking lovely in your eyes.

Avoid the Familiarity that Breeds Contempt

If you’ll notice, in both of the above, there’s no mention of gender, and that’s because, really and truly, the two lines work for all of Biblical “man:” male and female created HE them!!!

How we look to each other – indeed, how we see each other, has much to do with how we behave towards each other.

When we live with the same person day in and day out, so intimately and vitally, it is critically important to work at keeping an aura, a glow about your dealings with each other, so that your Beloved is almost always recognized and treated as the most important person to you on earth!

Both husband and wife must ‘keep the shine on’, so that neither of you becomes ‘common’ to each other and taken for granted.

When respect breaks down, often a dangerous familiarity can emerge instead, and contempt may follow.

Well, there are a lot of ways in which this happens, but the one we shall discuss is the one that happens when either husband or wife let their bodies, their looks, and their manners go ‘the way of all flesh’, for proper all round maintenance is a sure preventive and tonic for sustaining marital bliss.

Before the marriage, the attention we spend on looking good, smelling fine, and behaving so considerately, kindly and politely is nothing short of awesome.

After we are married, the real challenges begin, and if we are careless, they become hard set and stubborn, like relations who move in and decide they must stay, with no end in sight.

Earliest Offenders

With all due respect and fondness, the first darts must be flung at my sisters, the womenfolk/wives, for if the truth be told, (and it must), women tend to be, first and foremost, the greatest or earliest offenders, in this regard.

It’s amazing (frightening) how often the beautiful babe, elegant lady, fine sissy–meticulous and impeccably well-finished from head to toe before the marriage–metamorphosizes (morphs, for short) into a towel-tugging, wrapper-tying, sloppy beauty, with hair flying wildly.

To make matters worse, some of us wives who acted so appropriate before wedlock, with so much finesse, now rush–unkempt and bra – less(with beautiful breasts of whatever size and direction)-–to answer the door for the mailmen, plumbers, cooks, or drivers; and even for our husbands’ friends! Oops!

These things ought not to be.

You newer wives, meanwhile, need not be in the least surprised or discouraged, when your husband’s tastes and tolerance for your wardrobe shift somewhat (or even dramatically).

He might reject the cleavage–exposing, butt – clinging dresses for outings, even though they are the same styles that may have attracted him to you, or caught his positive attention to begin with, preferring instead the more conservative subtly sexy selections.

Please be neither shocked nor annoyed.

The Beauty of Holiness
It is the inner adornment of pleasing manners, spiritual beauty, and chaste behaviour which will increasingly add value to your presentation of self before your husband, not your wearing clothing that ‘encourages’ other men to chase you!!!

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your husbands;

that if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear;

Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold or putting on of apparel;

But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of GOD of great price

[1 Peter 3:1-04]

Now, don’t get me wrong, please. Keeping yourself healthy, shapely and beautiful is vital.

But the maintenance of a good and Godly spirit is of paramount importance for the peace, joy and fun of your marriage—and most importantly for your salvation.
It’s about balance, the balance that tilts towards the beauty of holiness.

Now, while we are still dealing with the sometimes contentious matter of beauty, let us treat the issue of weight and women first.

Excuses, Excuses, Excuses

FatherGOD already knows it isn’t easy keeping a fine figure after Babies number 3, 4 and 5. But sometimes, the biggest challenge is actually after Baby number one.

In the final analysis, however, whether we have added a ton of fun after Baby number one, or five, or even if it has nothing to do with babies, whatsoever, being overweight and not reducing are all about……….excuses, excuses, excuses, (present company not exempted in the least).

‘’For better, for worse” in the typical wedding vows neither refers to your size, nor to your looks, ladies…and gentlemen.

And in any case, for children of GOD, driven by faith, the refrain should in fact be ‘‘for better, for best’’.

On to the Treadmill of Renewed Life

Wives, if you want to keep your husband’s eyes lingering on your fair persona, and dispel “congenital roving eye syndrome”, first, pray for the HOLY SPIRIT to indwell your husband, and anoint him with discipline and maturity.

Secondly, stay warm and fascinating, and keep fit! Working from     sizes 22 and 18, back down to sizes 14 through 10, or less, may look like the equivalent of a trek across the Russian Steppes, but the great adventure towards recovery and renewal starts with one step, followed by a consistent ‘nother one, just like the other one!’

And, husbands (especially) take note: the positive encouragement of others acknowledging small victories, counts for a whole lot in this Battle of the Bulge.

What’s Good for the Goose…

Now, there’s no need for you men to be teasing your wives –if these words are for her—or smirking about “the more you have to hug’’.

Have you taken a good look at that big stomach threatening your sex life?
In the midst of a health workshop for male pastors some years ago, huge guffaws and boisterous laughter erupted, as many of the men slapped themselves on the back, proudly referring to the protruding bellies they had comfortably amassed, as “chippies playgrounds”. (Chippies being shorthand of the time for girlfriends, fellow fornicators!)

The wise Christian woman physician leading the workshop waited for the raucous laughter to subside a little, and without betraying the slightest disgust or horror at the pastors’ vulgar display of sinful jesting, she continued: “Well, for the avoidance of doubt, let us establish today that the medical nickname for that pot-belly you so gleefully describe as your ‘chippies playground’ is actually the tombstone for a dying penis!”

The last hint of laughter dried up rapidly, needless to say, and one could have heard a pin drop in the hall!

It was no longer funny.

Men need to understand that excess weight on males – - particularly in the abdomen–is no longer tenable as a sign of good living!! (Nor is the more deadly weight of adultery / fornication either acceptable or humorous).

Excess weight on men, as well as on women, is no longer a laughing matter.
Today, our focus should be on genuine prosperity, which definitely includes good health, first and foremost.

The Word of GOD says:

Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper
and be in health, even as thy soul prospers.
[3 John 2:2]

Now, let us look exhaustively at the issue of pot or beer bellies. (We are grateful for this submission from Dr.Bill Gavin of St.Peter’s Hospital Province, Rhode Island, U.S.A.).

“According to a study published in the New England Journal of Medicine,in the United States, it was discovered that “ a large waist can nearly double the risk of dying prematurely …even if your weight is normal (according to your body mass index a measure of body fat based on height and weight )”. This study drew from a sample of 350,000 people.

Most of the body’s fat–known as subcutaneous (under the skin) fat–accumulates in the thighs, buttocks and hips. This fat distribution, which leads to a so-called “pear” body shape, applies to most women–and many men.

However, belly fat–generally associated with an “apple” body shape–presents the greatest risks.
Also known as visceral fat, it is stored mostly
Inside the abdominal cavity, where it wraps around
(and sometimes invades) the internal organs,
including the heart. Long known to damage blood vessel linings,
belly fat is a metabolically active tissue
that secrets harmful inflammatory substances
that can contribute to a variety of health problems.
People with an apple body type are far more
likely to die of heart attacks than those with a pear shape.

The worst of the worst: Hard belly fat (commonly known as
a “beer belly” ) is even more dangerous than soft belly
fat–perhaps because many people with hard belly fat
have high levels of C-reactive protein (CRP),
an inflammation maker and risk factor for heart diseases.
Alcohol has been shown to slow fat metabolism
by more than 30%, which is compounded
by the fact that beer drinkers tend to eat
high-calories snack foods while drinking,
and beer itself is high in carbohydrate calories.

An increasing body of evidence is now linking belly
fat to other serious health risks, such as…

• Cancer: Both men and women with higher percentages of belly fat are more likely to develop a variety of cancers, including malignancies of the colon, kidney and breast.
• Dementia: In a study of 6,583 adults, the bigger the belly, the greater the risk for dementia.
• Surprising Finding: Among those of normal weight who had excess belly fat, dementia risk was 1.89 times higher than for those of normal weight who did not have excess belly fat.
• Lung Problems: Lung function is reduced in patients with higher stores of belly fat, possibly because of the higher secretion of lung-damaging inflammatory chemicals.
• Diabetes: An apple-shaped fat distribution greatly increases the risk for insulin resistance (a condition in which the body’s cells don’t use insulin properly) and diabetes. The risks are even higher in those who are sedentary. People who have lost muscle mass, as a result, take in less blood sugar (glucose), which is used as fuel–further increasing diabetes risk.
• Migraines: Researchers at Drexel University College of Medicine found that women with large amounts of belly fat were up to 30% more likely than lean women to suffer from migraine headaches.

INCHES THAT REALLY COUNT

Research has shown that waist size–even
in people who aren’t obviously overweight –is
a key predictor to long-term health.

Important finding: In a study reported in circulation:
Heart failure, researchers found that a four-inch
increase in waist size raised the risk for heart
disease by about 15%, even in people of a normal weight.
Other studies report that each five-centimeter
increase in waist size ( a little less than two inches)
raises the risk for premature death by 13% in women
and 17% in men.

My recommendation: A waist size of 35 inches or
less in women and 40 inches or less in men.
Even slight increases above these numbers significantly
raise your health risks.

Best way to measure your waist: Place a tape
measure just below your navel, exhale gently,
then record the measurement.

Strategies for Waist Loss
There are no proven ways to selectively reduce accumulations of visceral fat, my advice…

• Strive for healthy overall weight loss: People who follow a sensible diet, such as the American Heart Association’s No-Fat Diet (www.americanheart.org) or the Weight Watchers plan (www.weightwatchers.com), lose weight proportionately–that is, they lose more weight from areas where they have the most body fat.

Someone with a high percentage of visceral fat will show the effects most in the abdomen.
Another advantage of such diets is that they include large amounts of natural, wholesome foods,
such as vegetables and whole grains. A plant-based diet supplies large quantities of anti-inflammatory, disease-fighting compounds.

Important: When you’re trying to lose weight,
avoid or eliminate most dietary sugars—not
only from sweet snacks but also from processed
carbohydrates, such as white bread, snacks,
beer and fruit juices. These foods have a high
glycemic index—that is, they cause a rapid spike
in blood sugar that may increase the accumulation
of visceral fat.

• Drink green tea: A study in the Journal of Nutrition found that obese adults who drank green tea lost about twice as much weight over 12 weeks as a control group even though people in both groups followed similar diets and exercise patterns. It’s thought that compounds known as catechins in green tea increase metabolism and accelerate the breakdown of fat.
• Focus on aerobic exercise: This is the best way to increase metabolism burn calories and reduce fat. Aerobic exercise is more effective than resistance workouts (such as lifting weights) because it burns more calories per hour.There’s some evidence that overweight women who engage in sustained aerobic workouts—such as 20 minutes or more of brisk walking daily—can lose up to one inch of belly fat in just four weeks.”

The Word of GOD explicitly warns us, that

My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge

[Hosea 4:6].

We shared this detailed knowledge with you that you and others might be blessed.

We pray that as you read this, you will share this knowledge, and use it to GOD’s glory for yourself, your Beloved, and others, in JESUS’ Name.

Please go
to Part 2 on ‘Musings on Maintenance in Marriage’

These foundations are vital to the quality, fruitfulness and longevity of marital union.

Many marriages – - if we are honest with ourselves – - started on shaky, if not spurious beginnings. Many will claim that they ‘fell in love’ while the truth is that they ‘fell in lust!’

If we have begun with lust – - sexual attraction or desire – - first, and we are blessed to have the relationship develop and blossom fully further into affection, respect, compassion and genuine friendship, praise GOD! The marriage can work.

Yet the commonality and frequency of the ‘falling in lust’ syndrome are likely to be at the root of the terrible statistics which describe the sharply rising rates of divorce among Christians in particular, in America, in Nigeria, and indeed, throughout the world. Love and respect – - not sexual desire and attraction – - truly constitute the most important and lasting foundation for good and Godly marriage.

And, where that love and respect are mutual, there is little or no room for either discord or for infidelity. Moreover, where love and respect abound, you can always kindle sexual excitement.

Look at it please: there is a tenderness in marital love which runs even deeper than the sensuality and sexuality that can and should reach continuous heights in marital bliss.

And in the best marriages, this tenderness manifests in the unique friendship which grows between husband and wife – - the Godly soul-tie.

Oddly enough, the most excellent living description of that soul-tie tenderness in the Word of GOD, may be found in the story of the covenant friendship between David and King Saul’s son, Jonathan.

And it came to pass,

when he (David) had made an end of speaking unto Saul,

that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David,

and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.

Then, Jonathan and David made a covenant,

because he loved him as his own soul.

[1 Samuel 18: 1 – 3] 

When we married in the Church, in the Registry, or before the Justice of the Peace, did we not make a covenant between each other, in the presence of GOD, and a number of human witnesses?

Has your soul indeed knitted with the soul of your Beloved?

Have we steadfastly kept that covenant that we made?

There’s something extraordinarily powerful about vows made to another person.

The more detailed, specific and penetrating the vows we make at the beginning of marriage, ultimately the better for our marriage, for the making of vows between husband and wife before The Witness, and witnesses, raises the bar on the relationship, setting standards from the beginning, which we then aim to keep.

Yet, do not feel dismayed if, in the case of you and your wife/husband, you feel you didn’t exchange vows of substance, of faithfulness and more – - for as long as you both still live, set a date in the immediate future for exchanging the vows you both agree to, thoughtfully and lovingly crafting those covenant promises separately, as your spirit leads you to write, and then – - together with your Beloved, fuse them into one document that you print out.

On the day you set for both of you to exchange those vows, take turns as you read each one aloud to each other, in the presence of GOD and if you so desire, before select friend and family witnesses.

Your exchange can be small, or it can be like a wedding ceremony of any scale.

If you wish, have a minister, a man or woman of GOD, officiate, so that your Exchange of Vows is also recognized as a Solemnization of Vows.

The ceremony (then or now) is undoubtedly the easiest part of marriage.

Living together as husband and wife in loving, faithful, joyful unity of purpose daily, for decades to a century, requires more than luck (if you even believe in such); it takes deep abiding Grace and a very special anointing that must be continuously renewed by GOD HIMSELF.

It also helps to have a rich sense of humor!

No matter how long you’ve been “at it” and “in it”, each marriage is so powerfully and sensitively unique, even as we are each fearfully and wonderfully made.

Stoke up the embers of your fire, one for the other. Regularly renew your vows to each other before GOD.

And while you’re at it, renew your own vows to GOD.

May HE Who was, and is, and ever shall be keep, guide and prosper you and your Beloved together to HIS Glory, and may your marriage stay in the center of HIS Will, in JESUS’ precious, glorious, and mighty Name! 

Touching is one of the most immediate and practical examples of what I mean, for the way we touch, and the frequency with which we touch our Beloved husband or wife, must be unique to him/her.

Upper Persuasion

• Kiss your Beloved on the lips, in the mouth, on the neck, and any/everywhere else you both feel comfortable!!! Kissing of wives by husbands has sometimes jokingly been called ‘an upper persuasion for a lower invasion’.

Love Lubricant

• Don’t let your Beloved pass by you more than twice or thrice without your reaching out for him or her, and touching – not roughly, but gently or playfully.

First to Touch

• When you are or have been quarreling for any reason, be the first to touch. Quickly make up, and make love (or prepare to do so later, when it’s OK for you both).

Different Strokes

• Making love is not (necessarily) just bouncing on top of your Beloved; different times and situations definitely require/warrant distinctly different approaches – sometimes vigorous, sometimes gentle, sometimes playful, sometimes passionate, but always considerate.

• Most importantly, loving communication – - attentively listening to, and talking with your Beloved – - is one of the most important demonstrations of your loving each other, and is the vital preliminary to the non-verbal acts of sexual intercourse. Harsh, nasty or ‘put-down’ remarks from either one of you – - minutes, hours or sometimes even days before – - can actually hamper or kill – for a time – the love life between husband and wife, and should be studiously avoided.

And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted,
forgiving one another,
even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you. [Ephesians 4:32]

The Bed Bath

• If your Beloved returns home tired, exhausted or ’stressed out’ from a tension-laden day, or transit, or whatever – - learn to be like the sons of Issachar: read the times and seasons.

For example, if your Beloved is tired, and even ’scenting’ or ‘funky’, and you are the meticulous or nose-sensitive one, don’t nag or complain; help your Beloved to disrobe, have him/her stretch out on the bed or floor or couch; place a clean towel or heavy cloth beneath your Beloved’s ‘bottom’, and – - using warm or tepid water with a face towel or wash cloth – - give your Beloved a bed bath, a good wash where it counts, especially around the genitalia, and maybe even around the armpits!

But wherever it is, your approach and your touch matter most.

Talk it through, nicely and respectfully.

Usually, though not always, the bed bath is preliminary to good love making, but what is most important is that tender act of maintenance so unique to marital love.

Subtle Touch

• There’s a thing called ’subtle touch’ that can be more titillating and even more comforting and relieving than the usual: it involves light brushing up against your Beloved, in passing, in the presence of unaware others, or just as you like it.

What’s in a Name?

There should be a name or names that you call your Beloved, and that your Beloved calls you, which are reserved for each other alone.

Likewise, feel free to give names to each other’s favourite parts of the body, from private parts, to breasts and buttocks.

These secret names help to build greater intimacy between husband and wife, enhance fun, and further bond the two of you as lovers and best friends.

Conclusion

No matter how close you think or feel yourselves to be, you can always become closer, and that is one of the best parts of the special mystery GOD created, called marriage.

Romance in Marriage is far more than just sex, it is the attitude and the environment of mutual love. Please remember: Loving is Love

LOVE UP!

We speak new life to any dry bones in our marriage and we say unto our marriage: Arise, shine for HIS joy has come. We declare and We decree that from henceforth, and till we return to our Father, our marriage shall radiate peace, understanding, faithfulness and tender love.

Father GOD, LORD JESUS HOLY SPIRIT: YOU said in Your WORD

“And I will give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven”. [Matt. 16:19]

We rebuke and We bind every contrary spirit, every bloodline sin, every generational curse, every spirit of recrimination, mistrust and strife; every adulterous and corrupt spirit, and every spirit of selfishness, in JESUS’ Name.

We let loose the spirit of love, of joy, of faithfulness, of reconciliation, and of forgiveness.

LORD GOD, Divinely separate me, Divinely separate my Beloved from every desire, every taste, every practice and every relationship that does not give YOU glory.

Teach us how to love as YOU love and give as YOU give.

Forgive us both our sins and cleanse us with the precious blood of our LORD JESUS CHRIST.

Thank you, The I AM THAT I AM, The Giver of every good and perfect gift, The Author and the Finisher of our faith for an awesome marriage, a lasting fruitful union, a relationship that will be a praise in the earth, in JESUS’ glorious Name, Amen.