Written by (3) Be Humble, Stay Humble.
“The sacrifices of GOD are a broken spirit: a broken and contrite heart, O GOD, Thou wilt not despise.” [Psalm 51:17].
In the same way that unforgiveness is often a symptom of pride—humility, a broken spirit, and a contrite heart, are definitely antidotes to pride.
“For thus saith the high and lofty One that inhabiteth eternity, Whose Name is Holy;
I dwell in the high and holy place, with him also that is of a contrite and humble spirit,
To revive the spirit of the humble, and to revive the heart of the contrite ones.”
[Isaiah 57:13]
Once we have sinned against GOD, and against our Beloved, and we repent of what we have done, and what we have caused, FatherGOD is so faithful to forgive , IF our repentance is motivated by genuine contrition; the conviction that, with GOD`s Grace, that sin will never be revisited, and more vigilance against such behavior .
This has to be a real commitment and change of the attitude of one’s heart, your heart-titude.
Even as I write this, my own spirit is convicting me of what I only recently did in this regard, to my own Beloved, Heart of my Hearts.
Oh! It really is too easy to forget.
I need to paste this message on my forehead, and at the doorposts of my own heart.
(4) Communicate When Your Feelings Have Been Hurt.Don’t erect walls around your heart. Learn to speak about the things that hurt you, so that your heart does not harden in anger or unforgiveness, or misunderstanding.
Many times when we let our feelings be hurt by those closest to us, particularly our best Beloved–our darling wife or husband–she or he is not even aware, and the remark or slight or “offence” was either unintended, or not at all understood.
“….Oh, what needless pain we bear, all because we do not carry everything to GOD in prayer.”
The lyrics to this popular hymn (What a Friend We Have in JESUS) hit the matter straight on the head. Pray about your Beloved (or anyone else for that matter) hurting your feelings.
When we do this, before we speak out, it so often saves us much unnecessary pain.
And, as importantly, try to express your feelings, (whether hurt, or even anger, or “offense”) in an amicable or loving way.
Now, I know that this is often “more than a notion”,(that is, difficult or apparently impossible) but believe me, it makes all the difference.
Such communications are even more readily heard and accepted, or at least, more readily addressed by your loving partner, if you draw intimately near, and are placing your hand on his or her thigh, or arm, or shoulders, touching with love, as you speak.
If each of us (including yours truly) more consistently does this, we will experience the fruits of reassuring love.
For reassuring our Beloved of our love, even when–and especially when– the substance of what we are saying may be hard, or even, bitter to take, enables us to absorb the important or invaluable message, sometimes called “ constructive criticism”, that can rescue the situation, or save our marriage, in the long run.
“Just a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down.”
Well, even though I would personally recommend honey instead of sugar, if you will remember Mary Poppins singing this song, you will quickly know what I mean, even as you LOL.
(5) Always Respect Each Other.
Don’t ever become so familiar with your Beloved that you give up on politeness and kindness in your communication with each other.
That is why the adage “familiarity breeds contempt” came into being, and is so powerfully correct as a warning.
Respect, in particular, is what our husbands desire (and deserve, I might add), with the same intensity that most wives desire love and affection.
But, in marriage, respect is truly not gender-specific, beyond the aforementioned distinction, used to make a particular point.
Respect means honoring each other in all things. The lack of respect is either like slow poison, corroding the cohesive unity of one’s marriage, or like a cancer that erupts within, replicating its deadliness, and spreading relentlessly.
Work lovingly and assiduously at maintaining and/or restoring mutual respect as a non-negotiable privilege of your covenant union.
(6) Don’t Withhold Affection Due To “Offenses”
There’s an old, nasty trick that married people have been known to ‘play’ on each other that really should be placed in the trash with the lid locked on. And that is denying our sexual attentions and affection, because our Beloved husband or wife has done or said something, or has not done or said something that we are ‘demanding’.
There’s got to be, and is a far better way: do what’s right, first, by learning to separate skillfully our covenant love from our moods, whims, and caprices of the moment.
In any case, never forget that what is not of faith is of sin.
The WORD of GOD is patently clear on this practice that husbands and wives alike, are often wont to do, in withholding their sexual affection, claiming headaches, or otherwise not responding to their Beloved’s desires for them, for consensual sex.
“The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also
the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one
the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to
fasting and prayer, and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for incontinency.”
1 Corinthians 7:4-5
Denying our Beloved of sexual affection is defrauding her or him of what is at once a rich covenant privilege and duty.
(7) Always Kiss and Hug Your Husband/Wife Goodbye When You Are Parting One from the Other—and Pray For Each Other.
We don’t know when one of us takes our leave of each other, and then enters into danger, temptation, or even death.
Our parting words and gestures towards each other may be our last, or they may be just the prayer that preserves us from danger, or directs favor towards us; or that reassurance of love that indemnifies or protects us from the snares of the fowler*, or the seduction that leads to milestone failures.
Covenant partners—husbands and wives—must be jealous for each other’s salvation, safety, and good success. [Joshua 1:8]
Achieving good success in life, as in marriage in particular, is very much about paying meticulous attention to the cumulative “little things” of daily living that abound richly when we have the right heart-titudes.
*the hunter’s trap
What Readers Said